WIPpet Wednesday: How Did We Get Here?

I turn my back for one moment and Week 9 of the semester appears out of nowhere and starts running into the distance flailing and screaming something about incoming deadlines. The second week of May is with it, shouting that I’m supposed to have made more progress with my rewrites and that I’m 5 books behind schedule for my Goodreads Reading Challenge.  The days and weeks all go by so quickly with so little variation that I’m beginning to lose track of them.  I mean, I know what date it is thanks to my diary/phone/laptop/calendar, but the meaning behind that date has all but disappeared.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still being super productive and getting A LOT of shit done (both on the writing and non-writing fronts), but I feel like this year is hurtling away from me a lot faster than I expected it to.

How rude.

Anyway, you’re not here for my complaining, you’re here for WIPpet Wednesday.  Sorry to all my WIPpet friends for being absolutely awful and visiting you all, life has just been so busy that I’ve genuinely forgotten.  Your lovely comments make my week though, and I’ll do better this week!

Today I have a long one, 11 paragraphs for the 11th.  This is a shiny new draft of a chapter that was causing me some issues (what’s new, it is Taura after all), so I’d really love any/all feedback!

“Istka wasn’t impressed at how late I was to archery practice.”

“So I heard.”  He chuckled, shepherding her away from the bustle of the stables and into the small room that had been set aside as a quasi-office.  “I’ve been ordered not to keep you from lessons again.  Or Toran, although I must say that I wasn’t aware I had kept him from anything today.”

Taura shrugged.  “You know he always waits for me so I don’t have to ride out alone.  I always thought you and Andre would be pleased with such protective behaviour.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”  Toran strode into the small room, his sword clinking in its sheath by his hips.  She felt a pang of jealousy.  She had a small dagger, gifted to her by Sven, probably without Andre’s knowledge, but she knew Andre would never let her own a sword, let alone walk around carrying it.  “Istka just scares me shitless.  Didn’t want to face her without you.”  He scrunched Taura’s hair, pulling strands free from the two braids she had plaited it in for the journey.  “You’re my protector.”

Despite herself she grinned, butterflies spinning in her stomach.  Toran didn’t need a protector, especially not her.  She was over a head shorter than him, and she knew from experience that he could easily lift her into the air and lower her back down again.  Still, the praise made her smile and flush.  Toran was a few years older than her, and rather handsome.  Although she didn’t plan on admitting that second bit any time soon.  Instead, she frowned at him with mock disgust.  “Why are you here?”

He poked his tongue out at her before bowing his head to Sven.  “Sir.”

“Ah Toran.  Ready for the voyage?”

“Is Toran coming with us?”  She tried to keep at least some of her excitement from her voice.  The last thing she needed was to sound too eager in front of either Sven or Toran.

“Yes.  We need someone to keep you company.  You’ll be on a different ship than us for the journey across the Straits.”

“For safety.”  Taura rolled her eyes.  “Of course.”

Toran raised his eyebrow.  “So you haven’t told her?”

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4 thoughts on “WIPpet Wednesday: How Did We Get Here?

  1. Aww that’s always funny when the main character is the last to find out something. Ahaha! It’s hard to edit this snippet without more context. I think it reads fairly well overall. I love the line where Toran pokes his tongue out lol. The only problem I see is that not one time did you describe the office. Describe it. Does Sven sit? Does he do something else? what is the purpose for bringing her into the office? Does Taura sit? Does Toran sit or stand or lean on something? Do any of them have any nervous habits that occupy them while they talk? What is in the office? Since it sounds like it’s converted from some other type of room, what was the room used for previously? Is there any evidence of that? is it being used for 2 purposes? You need to insert sights and sounds and smells into a scene to draw the reader in. If they’re in the stables, what does it smell like? Where did Toran just come from?

    Also, probably in previous writing beforehand you had described the character’s features so that’s not really a problem. At any rate, the scene intrigues me 🙂

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