Motivation slump…

Let’s just say it.  Today has not been a good day.

I can’t straighten my legs due to the intense pain in my calves from the 4 minutes of hell I put them through yesterday as part of my new ‘let’s get fit and toned and lose weight’ thing.  I have a stitch from coughing so much.  My medication that I’ve only just started taking is locked in the car and I won’t be able to access it until boyf gets home, which won’t be until later tonight because he has a work dinner.  Whilst exercising today I managed to hurt my neck, so now it twinges when I move.  I managed to finish the words I needed for my politics report before the lunchtime anxiety/melancholy/shitness I’ve been getting since starting my medication kicked in.  Since then, I’ve basically just been watching YouTube videos and staring at the word document on my computer screen wondering why this chapter is being so difficult. I also just ordered a large amount of potato based Indian food, and might even order dessert and a thickshake later (take that 5,200kJ a day!).

I decided to write this blog post because I’ve run out of YouTube videos I want to watch, and I feel as though I should at least be a little bit productive before I curl up on boyf’s parent’s couch (we’re house sitting) with my ridiculous amount of Indian food and thickshakes to watch a bunch of wedding dress shows on Lifestyle You (don’t judge me, they’re fantastic).

Even though I know that I’m just feeling down because my body is still adjusting to the new medication, it still kinda sucks.  Especially when I’ve been so productive up until this point.  It’s seriously just been so noticeable.  I started taking it on Wednesday morning, and since then every lunchtime for a couple of hours I’ve gotten really panicky and then I’ve just felt really down for the rest of the day.  I started chapter 4 on Wednesday, finished in yesterday and wrote the first 1,000 words of chapter 5, so it’s not even like I’m particularly off track.  I just feel…down. Down is the best way to describe it.

I know I promised I’d write a book review or a plot summary of Rebellion or something like that, but honestly I’m just not feeling it.

I’m feeling like depression and anxiety suck, body issues suck, and not wanting to get out of bed sucks.

I’m not entirely sure why I’m telling this to the internet, other than my psychologist says I’m supposed to acknowledge my feelings and that sharing them will bring me closer to the people I care about. I’m still a bit iffy on that one, but I guess my internet friends is a good start, right?

Also, today (October 10th) is World Mental Health Day, which is something I feel pretty passionate about.

Never fear, productive, positive, optimistic Rachel is still here! Sometimes she just needs a little rest (and some Indian potato goodness).

I’m off to try and finish the chapter, perhaps with a mug of peppermint tea, and I will see you all on Sunday.


13 thoughts on “Motivation slump…

  1. While positive, optimistic, Rachel (who deserves a break) rests for a while, sympathetic and understanding Mel would like to offer a great big virtual hug! This heavy feeling you describe does suck. It’s the worst. Even when you know your body is adjusting to medication and there’s a reason you feel like total crap, it’s hard to push through. I’m here to cheer you on, as someone who has her fair amount of ‘dark-days’ I’m cheering on the side-lines and hopefully sending a blast of positive energy your way 🙂 Enjoy the tv shows and try not to beat yourself up about doing nothing but rest your body and mind (easier said than done) – you’re entitled. Consider it a new law 😉

    1. This was exactly what I needed, thank you! I can already feel the virtual hug and positive energy! Internet friends are the best friends! I’ve written another 500 words or so, and I think I’m going to just call it a night and come back to it tomorrow. Besides, if it’s law I just rest I better obey! 😉

  2. Something I love when I read your “down” posts is how you seem to know just what will help. I was nearly 40 before I started to figure out that there were reasons for my down days (hormonal, moon, amount of daylight, life), and things I could do to soothe myself through the rough spots that I think come into every life now and then.

    You’ve got such a big head start!

    I hope the food was tasty, that your workouts become smoother and less injurious, and that you move through the adjustment to the new medication and find that it does just what you need it to without getting in your way.

    And that sharing your vulnerability gave you a bit of extra strength for the darker times…

    Long distance hugs and good vibes headed straight to you!

    1. You’re quickly becoming one of my favourite people on the internet!

      I’ve had a lot of therapy/psychologist sessions, and over the years I’ve begun to really listen to what my body is telling me rather than just trying to ignore it. For example, today my cough has gotten quite bad and my head feels a bit head coldy, so I’m just going to have a restful day in bed doing some work rather than getting up and doing things. I took a long time, but I think I’m finally beginning to learn what my body needs and give it that.

      Everything is already getting better from Friday, which is fabulous, and knowing that there are supportive people only a blog post away is really helping with that.

      Long distance hugs and good vibes are perfect, and I’m sending some back your way as well!

      1. Sorry you’ve been sick, and that it took time to get back to you – lots of things slipped with the abscess, but I’m definitely feeling much better now, and my smile isn’t lopsided anymore.

        Giving our bodies, minds, and souls what they want and need does so much to make life better- even when it’s not great, or even good.

        You’ve got such a head start, and you’re sharing the journey, so other people can benefit.

        I’m pretty fond of you, too. Even when you’re not feeling well, you bring such a delightfully honest humor to the telling.

      2. I really wish you were already feeling better! The Mom in me ants to scoot across oceans and time zones, and give you a big hug, more warm blankets, and sing you Soft Kitty….

        But I can do this….

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